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"THAT IS IT!" Trixie fumed. "The Great and Powerful Trixie is tired of dying!"

"Are your teammates not protecting you properly?" The Medic tried to make sense of it all. The ponies were doing a good job, surely they know to protect the Medic…

"The Great and Powerful Trixie need no teammates! The enemy is filled with fear when they see the Great and Powerful Trixie heading for them!"

The medic's mouth was agape. "Y… What do you mean you don't need teammates? Who are you healing if you're going in alone?"


"Mein Gott…" The final piece clicked in the Medic's mind, and he put his head in his hands. "You haven't healed anyone, have you?"

" Well of course not. The gun you have given The Great and Powerful Trixie cannot heal her"

The doctor started muttering under his breath a string of words that sounded like they'd be very offensive if Trixie understood his native tongue. "Of course it cannot heal you, you heal others! You have got to be kidding. You are joking. Very funny"  

"The Great and Powerful Trixie was not telling a joke."

"That vas what I vas afraid of. You have not healed a single thing in the week and a half you have been here. You're team has worked themselves hard and you haven't done a thing"

"I'll have you know I have successfully killed five people!"

"TOTAL!?" He sighed heavily, shaking his head. "So not only are you not healing, you've gone battle medic. Unsuccessfully."

Trixie sneered and readied a response, but the Medic cut her off.

"I am not sure if you understand what you're supposed to do, but let me lay this out. You are supposed to help. That means pointing that medigun on your back at someone who's hurt and assisting them. Trying to attack ze enemy yourself is almost the worst possible thing a Medic could do. So from now on you are going to go out there, look for people who are hurt, and heal them. Understand?"

Trixie glared at the doctor, but he shot a much angrier look. She grudgingly walked out of the room. "Who does he think he is. No one insults Trixie and gets away with it. That no talent hack. The Great and Powerful Trixie can do as she pleases! And she will start by treating these commoners to the luxury of her healing beam!"


She trained the beam on the first pony she saw. Unfortunately it happened to be Ponyville's best flier. Trixie struggled to keep close enough to keep the beam on the rainbow maned pegasus. "Ugh! Slow down you Technicolor featherbrain!"

Dash stopped cold in her tracks, and Trixie caught up, panting. "Trixie, you obviously don't know a thing about me"

"And that would be?"

Dash flared her wings "Rainbow Dash. Never. Slows. Down" With that she took off like a streak.

Trixie stood astonished for a few seconds, then scowled. "Ignorant little foal. She's obviously not smart enough to appreciate my helpfulness" She looked across the bridge, and saw a white unicorn entering the RED base. 'That was that one who's hair I messed up. Rarity, wasn't it?' Trixie followed her in, and saw her peering around a corner. She pointed the medigun and started healing. Rarity jumped and looked at Trixie harshly.

"What do you think you're doing!?" She said in a hushed whisper.

"Healing you. No need to thank me, The Great and Powerful Trixie can feel your appreciation radiating"

"No, you idiot! You're going to blow my co-o-O-OOWWW!!!" Her sentence was interrupted by a Pyro coming around the corner and burning Rarity quickly to death. Trixie tried to run, but a flare hit her backside and lit her up. She fell soon after.

Trixie respawned, and was met face to face with a fuming unicorn. "It is slightly suspicious to the enemy team when a BLU Medic is HEALING A RED PYRO!!" Rarity screamed. She stormed out, cloaking just outside the door.

"Well. No need to get snippy" she headed out toward the bridge, when she caught sight of a yellow pegasus cowering under the windowsill of the battlements. 'Oh for Celestia's sake' She thought. 'What's she afraid of? A bird might land on her? Still, I guess any amount of appreciation is worth it' Trixie started healing her. Fluttershy screamed, letting out a noise similar to a goat's and fell over, stiff-legged. Trixie began laughing uproariously. "There is no need to fear! The Great and Powerful Trixie has decided to help you out!" Trixie beamed, waiting for praise to be heaped upon her.

Fluttershy got up, not saying anything except a meek thank you that was too quiet for Trixie to hear. The blue unicorn frowned. 'If I'm not going to be appreciated, I might as well go find someone else. There's nothing up here to do anyway' She thought. "Alas, I have places to go, more important ponies to assist. Farewell!" Trixie walked away, but was stopped just outside the door by a very irate looking rabbit.

"Ah and I suppose you wish for the assistance of Trixie, do you not, rabbit?"

Angel jumped on top of her head, then gave her several quick thumps with his foot. Then he hopped away.

Trixie rubbed her head with her hoof. "Ow! Fine then, you have lost the support of Equestria's most magical unicorn!"


"Ugh. Yet again somepony is too foalish to appreciate my efforts" Twilight had politely declined any healing, as she was away from the battle zone for the day helping the Engi and therefore didn't need health. Trixie spotted the orange pony that had hit her with a wrench a few days ago. She begrudgingly trotted over and trained the beam on the new target.

"Oh. It's you. I guess I should thank you fer healin me. But I kinda got mah dispenser. So maybe you could find someone who need health more than me? " Applejack smacked the dispenser with her wrench as she spoke.

"Oh, but that is the great tragedy. All the others are not worthy of Trixie's assistance. You barely qualify as it is" Applejack started swinging the wrench harder. "They all refused to give Trixie the praise she so deserves, and therefore will not receive her assistance. You should count yourself lucky. You had the good sense to allow Trixie to honor you with her presence, Hayseed"

"THAT'S IT!" Applejack threw her wrench at Trixie.

Trixie yelled and ducked, the wrench just barely missing her horn. "What is the matter with you!?" She screeched indignantly

"I wish absolutely ANYPONY ELSE had come here instead of you! I'd even had taken that one who pops balloons all day over you! You don't care about nopony but yerself! You don't even know mah name! I don't like you! Nopony does! You got us stuck here in a world that ain't ours, and we may never go back! But you don't care as long as long as someone strokes yer ego. So why don't you just stay out of everyone's way until we figure out how ta fix YOUR mess!"

Trixie bared her teeth. "I refuse to be spoken to by some country bumpkin who probably can't count past four without using somepony else's hooves!"

"I suggest you get outta mah sight before mah hooves start talkin for me!"

Trixie angrily stomped away. Applejack picked up the wrench and Swung with all of her strength at the dispenser. She missed the spot she was supposed to hit, however, and put a giant hole on the screen. "Shoot"


Dash rushed out of the respawn. She rubbed her neck, where a Demoman had liberated her head from it's normal place with his sword. 'I'd rather that not happen again today…Wait…What's that sound?' As she passed the spiral ramp, she heard something just inside the door. It sounded like… crying? She poked her head in and saw a blue unicorn, back to the door with her head in her hooves. On the opposite corner the Medic's equipment laid in a pile that was thrown against the wall topped by the Unicorn's signature hat. Dash rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed. "Aw geez. I hate to see anyone so upset. Even her' She walked all the way in. "Trixie? You okay?"

"Get out! I don't want to be seen like this!"

"What happened?"

"I said get out!"

"Not until you spill the beans!"

Trixie looked at her, her eyes rimmed red. "Fine then! Everyone hates me and wishes I wasn't here! Is that good enough for you!?" She yelled, then turned away, quietly resuming her sobs.

Dash was taken aback. "I'm sure that not everypony hates you"

"Well I am. Everyone here. You, Rarity, Applesmack"


"Whatever! Even the rabbit hates me"

"Well… I don't hate you."

"I'm not stupid. Don't lie to me"

"I'm not! Well, I don't like you, per say, but I don't hate you. And I know that Pinkie can't hate you. She doesn't hate anyone or anything"

"…Who's Pinkie?"

"Pinkie Pie?"


"How do you not know Pinkie? She's been here all week!"

"Is she the pink one?"

It took all Dash had in her not to shout 'Well Duh' at the Unicorn. "Yeah, that's her. Have you even talked to her?"


"Well there you go! Go find her and heal her. She's perfect! She gets hurt all the time!"

Trixie dragged a hoof under her eye. "You…really think so?"

"Trixie, I guarantee it" Dash handed her her hat and playfully jabbed her on the shoulder. "Feel better?"

Trixie hugged the Pegasus quickly. "Much" She grabbed her equipment. "And if you ever tell a soul I just hugged you, I'll have your hide for a new cloak. Got it?" Dash mimed dragging a zipper across her lips. "Good" Trixie ran out of the room with newfound confidence, looking for her new pink target.


Trixie spotted the pink earth pony crossing he bridge, and she caught up with her. Trixie was about to say something when Pinkie suddenly broke into a song:

"Sandvich, Sandvich!
Pinkie loves her sandvich!
Tomatoes, Lettuce, cheese, and bread
Makes me strong to beat up RED
Sandvich, Sandvich!
Going off without a hitch!
Healing me and healing you
Winning this for our team BLU!" Pinkie held the note for a few seconds, then looked over and saw Trixie, who looked very confused. "Hi! Trixie, right? Y'know Trixie I never threw you a party when you came to town! I just have to throw one when we get back! Well I mean as long as you want one but I mean really who doesn't want a Pinkie Pie party? They call me Ponyville's Premier Party Pony and with good reason" Pinkie continued talking nonstop for a few more seconds until Trixie interrupted her.

"Well, Pinkie. Today is your lucky day, because you have the opportunity to allow me to assist you!"

"Ooh! Fun! What are you gonna do?"

"See this special gun?" Pinkie nodded her head quickly. "Well it can heal you. You'll be able-" She was cut off by a bone crushing hug knocking the air out of her lungs.

"You mean I can fight without having to go to respawn as much!? YAY!" Pinkie let go, and Trixie stumbled for a few seconds, regaining her breath.

"Yes" she coughed. "But You have to do something for me. You have to keep me alive so I can use the gun on you. Deal?" She found her hoof in a very enthusiastic hoof-shake before she could respond


'Why is she so strong?' As Trixie pondered a Demoman fell down from the enemy battlements, behind Pinkie. "Look out!" Trixie trained the beam on Pinkie as the earth pony turned around and rained a hail of bullets at the enemy. The Man launched grenade after grenade at the two. One hit Trixie and she yelled. Another hit like that and she'd be down. A shining grenade launched out and hit Pinkie square in the chest, exploding forcefully. But she still stood, finishing the Demo off at last.

"WOO! That was fun!" She turned to Trixie. "Wow! Usually those shiny ones can kill me instantly! That means you kept me alive!"

"Great. I don't feel too good…" Trixie was still reeling from the grenade that hit her. It had nearly taken all of her health.

A sandwich sitting on a plate landed in front of her. She looked up to an expectant Pinkie. "Eat this! It'll make you feel better!" Trixie doubted any medicinal properties of the treat, but she hadn't had anything to eat all day and she had nothing to lose. She took a tentative bite, and felt a power surge through her. She did feel better… As soon as she finished, she felt at full strength.

"What was that about?"

"Sandvich can heal you. You can heal me!"

"You're right" The bell to end combat rang. "Looks like we have to head back. But I think I'll stick with you when we start again in the morning"

"Well, Ok, but as long as you heal my friends if they need it. Deal?"

"…Deal. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful partnership" Pinkie let out a giggle and the two headed back to camp for the night
The Healing and the Hurting

Not my favorite of the Chapters I've written, but what do I know.

Plug time:

:iconcrossmalaki: a friend of mine who has written a FiM/Magic the Gathering crossover and he's looking for readers.

also :icongalaniel: is a writer who is looking for some critiques on his stuff. He requests you do not hold back and be merciless
Add a Comment:
CPU-Pi Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012
:iconpinkiepieplz: I LOVE DIS DOKTOR
This is really awesome. Like, I cannot begin to say how awesome this is. I especially love how you matched the different MLP characters so that they fit their respective classes as if ingame. :meow: All of my internets
rotaloco30 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
noticed a small error
But you don't care as long as long
greqt story though
randomerst Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
only time i ike trixie :D
DashieKitten Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I had to stare at -
"Trixie, I guarantee it" Dash handed her her hat and playfully jabbed her on the shoulder. "Feel better?"
Because of the "her her"
Then I understood. :D
ThePoketrix2 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
TheEvilTater Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011
Trixie is the worst pony
Rileyman360 Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2011
krautlover90 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011
The idea of an ubercharged Pinkie scares me.
JasonShadow Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2011
While I was originally a bit dubious, I have to say that you've made this crossover work quite nicely, even if the characterization of the Team seems a bit off. However, one thing that puzzles me is that all the ponies seem to have no qualms against killing others... although the respawn machines probably go a ways to explaining that.
Then again, we don't really know about ALL the ponies yet, do we? For all we know, Fluttershy has been purposely missing with her sniper rifle the entire time.
Also, it looks like so far, everypony is getting a pep talk from the person they're subbing for. I can hardly wait for when it's the Pyro's turn... :giggle:
trebthegamer Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2011
the announcer seems quite uninterested that creatures of friendship have entered her buisness.
Hey, when your job is to watch guys kill each other 24/7, you tend to get your entertainment wherever you can find it.
trebthegamer Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2011
um i was actually referring to the fact she hates friendship. but i'll keep that for my version. if she turned ok with it in your version. a few things i read in your story of witch i say "damn i wish i could've thought of that line before."
Actually she only hated the friendship when it was cross company. I don't think she cares about inter-company friendships.
trebthegamer Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2011
good point but she also hated it if the friendship caused the mercs to talk about her.your version got that covered since the ponies don't question why this is fight going on.
phuzzych1n Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2011
I kinda wnat to see them handle DeGroot Keep or something... or Pinkie Taunt-kill someone.
GlitchyProductions Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think at night the Headless Horsemann should patrol the area in searching for some blood. But the team try and take it down while the TF2 cast is still in bed.
Xaldensmutanthamster Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011
it feels weird to ask, but do you mind if I take that idea for an interlude chapter?
GlitchyProductions Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Sure. Feel free to do so.

I was given a request by someone and I thought of your little series during the making of the comic I made.

Xaldensmutanthamster Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2011
Cool, I'll shout you out in the artist comments.

That's pretty cool. Nice to see that I'm influencing people. or at least popping up in their thoughts.
dalith911 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011
I can't wait for a scout/rainbow dash chapter! This is such a good fic man, keep it up!
... The Dash chapter was chapter 3
Threvlin Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2011  Student Digital Artist
First hats used as drama and now Trixie with a heart?! When will this madness end?

Consider yourself having another reader, and keep up the great work!
unusualsarecrazy Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011
achievement unlocked: "I HAVE NO IDEA!" 25GS
P.S.when trixie was too slow for rainbow dash i was like "get a freaking quick fix then"
Tinyweasels Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2011
Very good! Still enjoying the series, despite them being *shudders* Blue team. :) Looking forward to the next chapter!
But BLU team is the best team.
unusualsarecrazy Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2011
i prefer red. not only because i like the color more, but because blu is just reskins. red is the OG.
MagicaITrevor Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
YAY!!!!!! The GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie has found something that she can do! w00tness!!!! :dummy:
Pinfari13 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
I never really understood why so many people liked Trixie, and I never read a story with her in it. I was getting really annoyed with her, but then I got to the part with her crying and really wanted to give her a hug :D
Great Story, it's one of the few crossovers that combines a game I actually play and is a reasonable length to read and stays interesting!If only there were a few more models in that Gmod model pack that was just released, this could totally be remade in Gmod!
Doc-R Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
haha great and medic and sniper are my favorite classes i love your fic .

FIM meets magic the gathering mmm ok i'll check it out it's been ages ince i lost my last cards of MTG
HolyDemonAndy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
phuzzych1n Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
I imagined a terrifying image of Pinkie in Ubercharge mode... by Celestia's beard, may Equestria never face that sight.
elliotissokool Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
Trixie: I HAVE NO IDEA!!
LightningSpike Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
And so the pocket medic was born. In pony form.
Baldavin Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
When it comes helping, Trixie has no idea!
Brickstarrunner Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
Ah yes. These words are coming from a fellow Medic player. I heal, oh yea, I heal dozens, no...HUNDREDS of people a day, yet a lot of them barely even protect my back until it is too late. That, or they just keep on spamming the 'MEDIC!' button, confusing the hell out of me. And only thrice have I had a heavy give me a Sandvich to heal. They just assume that I will heal in time only to have a crit rocket come flying at me.

Plus, Trixie is my favorite pony, so combine my favorite pony and the lass I play the most of, and it equals my all time favorite FanFic. I love you man! BROHOOF!
Brohoof Accepted.

I'll be honest, I am a god awful Medic. If I've gone medic then the match is hopeless. but I appreciate how much a Medic does, so if I'm heavy I tend to toss them a sandvich when they're hurting.

Trixie was weird to write for me. Her personality is almost the direct opposite of mine. I had to really work to give her dialog that sounded natural.
multifish Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
That song... Brilliant!
Anzallos Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
Darn you, making me sympathize with Trixie XP
shisohikari Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
Awesome keep up the good work :w00t:
Zekaire-Aquanimus Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
irken-violinist Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Awesome!!! I love it! Great job!!!!!!
The-Table Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011  Student General Artist
that song makes me so happy
blazikenking Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
No Ubercharge?
At the moment, no. But it will come later, just you wait. :)
Anzallos Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
Will it involve heart-replacement surgery?
That's up to your imagination, since I won't be saying anything about performing major surgery on the ponies
Anzallos Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2011
Well, it lets me picture for myself how fascinated the Medic would be in doing a pony autopsy... >.>
Z1ggyb0mb789 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
I do believe you mean "biopsy", as autopsy is for examining corpses. Unless the Medic decides to examine one of their dead ragdolls.
Anzallos Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011
Eh, either/or works, really. Not sure if he could persuade the ponies to allow themselves to let him at them, so he may need to interrupt their respawn cycle and "upgrade" their corpses before they can protest.

But, yes, I think I did mean biopsy. Darn staying up until 1 am after watching crime shows earlier in the day.
holy458 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2011
And then Trixy became the biggest pocket-medic in existence.
The end.
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